Let the beauty of what you love be what you do

I am listening to the second movement of Barber’s violin concerto on repeat. It is hauntingly beautiful – full of anguish, pain and agony that exists in this fallen world, yet full of beauty and hope.

Here I am typing on an iPad, a laptop keyboard too much work for my aching wrists and elbow. What happens to someone when they lose the ability to speak? What happens when you’re denied one of the best ways you feel and experience life – though playing music?
 
I guess when the dust settles, you look everywhere for a replacement. At the moment, that’s what all this is. The absence of music from my body is slowly being filled with writing (and visiting art galleries, not sure what I’m looking for) and the terrible longing to play is a persistent driving force to develop programmes for others to make music. I have given up the potential happiness of pursuing my own dream for a much more meaningful purpose. I have tasted the depths of hopelessness, and I want to do all I can to bring hope to those who need it much more than I ever did.
 
To be able to use the very thing I lost hope over in this pursuit, will be the sweetest victory. 
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Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..

I created this blog to keep track of my current period of turmoil/confusion.. or rather to help me look back, when i’ve finally made a decision what to do with my life. haha It seems that once I decided to give up playing the cello professionally (or my body decided to do that for me), infinite possibilities have presented themselves in the past month.

There are the arts related ones, a couple of groups to manage/intern at, an exciting project I’m working on (more details when it’s ready), my own initiative to make classical music more accessible, and then a whole host of random ideas, like opening a fruit juice stall (LOL! – what was i thinking?!) 

The past few weeks have been be full of possibilities, new (and old) friends, new experiences and most importantly, a whole new perspective to life! I think I used to be driven by fear. The fear that I wasn’t good enough, the fear that people would judge me.. maybe this whole cello fiasco has liberated me, and allowed me to become and see the person I truly am. 🙂

This quote has been popping into my head quite a lot these days..

Don’t spend your life finding yourself, CREATE yourself!

I like it because it takes away the notion that there’s just one thing we’re suited to do and we have to search for it like a needle in a hay stack. Creating yourself gives you the option of trying out a lot of things, and you have to take action and be creative and smart about it! 

Exciting times ahead! 🙂